Roast My Browsing History

Ever wonder what your browser history says about you? Roast My Browsing History analyzes your local browsing data and delivers a sharp, personalized roast — the kind a very well-informed friend might give you if they could see every tab you've ever opened at 2 AM. No judgment. Well, some judgment. All of it funny. --- HOW IT WORKS Click the toolbar icon and the extension reads your browsing history directly from Chrome — on your device, in your browser, going nowhere. It crunches your patterns, assigns you a browsing personality archetype, and generates a roast report built entirely from your own stats. --- YOUR ARCHETYPE You'll be assigned one of 18 personality types based on your actual habits: - The 2 AM Spelunker — peak activity after midnight - The Reload Goblin — F5 is your love language - The Doomscroll Devotee — keeping the social media economy afloat - The Link Rabbit — the URL bar is decorative at this point - The Retail Therapist — your cart has feelings too - The Research Spiral — started with one question, ended up understanding 14th century grain trade - The GitHub Haunter — 60 starred repos, zero pull requests - The Discourse Correspondent — not doomscrolling, monitoring the cultural conversation ...and more, each with a custom blurb written specifically for your browsing pattern. --- THE ROAST REPORT The full report page goes deeper: - Hour-of-day bar chart — see exactly when you're most active (and most unproductive) - Top domains — your most-visited sites ranked, with visit counts - Most-revisited URLs — that one page you keep going back to. You know the one. - Top search queries — the things you've been asking the internet in private - Session analysis — your longest unbroken browsing session, your most cursed late-night one - Social media breakdown — how much of your soul each platform claims - Shopping site visits — quantified evidence for your wallet's restraining order - Roast lines — personalized one-liners pulled from your actual numbers --- TIME WINDOW Analyze 7, 30, 90, or 365 days of history. Choose how far back you want to look. Choose how much you want to know about yourself. --- COMPLETELY PRIVATE This is not a data collection tool dressed up as a joke. It is genuinely, verifiably private: - Zero network requests. Open DevTools -> Network while using it. You'll see nothing go out. - No storage. Nothing is written to chrome.storage, localStorage, or anywhere else. All data lives in memory and disappears the moment you close the popup or tab. - One permission: history. No tabs, no cookies, no webRequest, no access to page content. - No accounts, no sign-up, no tracking. Install it, use it, uninstall it — we never knew you were there. Your browsing history never leaves your browser. The roast stays between you and your CPU. --- OPEN SOURCE The full source code is available on GitHub. Read exactly what runs on your machine before you install it. Privacy policy: https://suramyavns.github.io/roaster-coaster/privacy.html --- Your browser has been watching. Now it has opinions.